Coping with pet grief

Just as with human loss, the feelings we experience can be intense and even visceral. Whether the loss is acute and or expected the impact can be significant.  

It is therefore important that your grief is not minimised, or your loss experience invalidated. You may be met with phrases such as “they had a good life” or “it’s just a dog” but the relationships and bonds we form with our pets can be hugely important to us and the grief we experience can be impactful. 

Theories of grief have changed in recent times from models focusing on progression through particular ‘stages’ of grief (Kubler-Ross), to models moving away from a linear model which encompass the fact that the grief process can be different for each person. These re more helpful models to understand our grieving process. For example, the dual process model of grief incorporates emotion focused coping and expressing the full range of emotional reactions to loss (Stroebe & Shut) or the task-based model (Worden) which focuses on taking time to process the the emotional, spiritual and psychological pain of grief while also adjusting to a life without the pet you have lost.

So how do we function after the loss of a pet? It is important to acknowledge that there is no specific timeframe in which to “get over’ the loss of a pet or set way to respond. It is important to talk about your loss where you can. Allow yourself to feel. There can be a natural tendency to ‘push’ away or avoid feelings, but this can impact negatively on the grieving process. Try and go with what shows sup for you each day.

We may forget the basic things to take care of ourselves such as nourishing and hydrating well, engaging in a healthy sleep routine, moving our bodies and connecting with others. it is also normal for there to be better days than others.

Don’t worry if you don’t feel like doing some of the things you previously did or there has been a shift in your interest in engaging in activities of everyday living.

You may want to mark the passing of our pet in a specific way. Such as with a memorial, specific keep sakes or perhaps planting something to remember them by.

Taking time to remember your pet in the longer term can be beneficial too. Again, we notice and urge to avoid thinking about them because of intense feelings, but taking some time to remember them as time passes can really help. The more we make room for difficult emotions, the easier they become to manage. 

The role that our pets play in our lives can be important for us. They can provide both companionship and health benefits. Their passing can therefore impact on both our ongoing emotional and physical health needs including loneliness, low mood or anxiety. Try and keep an eye on what you are experiencing following your loss. If you are concerned about your symptoms or the intensity is increasing rather than easing over time then please reach out for support to your family, friends, GP or a specific pet bereavement organisation. 

Find out about the Human Animal Welfare Alliance.